Picked up a random poetry book From the crowded shelf. Quick easy hour read: Delight and wonder. Then, Found…
React Mindfully
I sit down to write a blog and decide not to turn the light on on the way to the couch. I put my water bottle down on the coffee table, forgetting I already had a glass of ice water on it. The water bottle knocks over the glass right onto the blue microfiber couch.
Seriously?
I open the plastic wrap around a new package of deli sliced cheese and walk over to the drawer with the containers. I open the drawer. My daughter tells me something. I look into the drawer at the containers and suddenly have no idea what I need.
Ugh!
The rain pelts down on my windshield as I drive in heavy traffic across town. I turn on the windshield wipers to see them just barely touch the drops on the glass. Time for new wiper blades. I don’t have time to go buy them now. We are late for Girl Scouts and stopping at a store is not feasible.
Really?
I am sure you have had similar moments.
What do you do at such exasperating times?
I figure I have two choices.
One, I can shout, curse, throw things, hit things, or whatever, and let it ruin my day.
Two, I can say a quick annoyed response like, “really?” and take care of the problem before just moving on without the incident ruining my day.
I try to choose number two.
Now the day that I decided to pull forward in a parking lot because nothing seemed to be in my way and I unexpectedly ran into a cement block that was lower than my windshield causing my car to scrape against the side of it that ruined my day. That actually ruined the whole next month or so each day when I pulled into my work parking lot and saw the stupid cement thing. I cringed in regret.
My point is that no matter the severity of things that cause a disturbance, you have the ultimate control over how you are going to react.
Leslie Becker-Phelps from pyschologytoday.com suggests certain options as positive reactions:
“Think about the meaning or origin of your reactions”. What is the reason for your reaction? Depending on whether your initial reaction is positive or negative, can you identify someone else in your life you are mimicking in such a situation? Have you taken on the reaction from a parent or spouse (Becker-Phelps)
“Observe the outcome of your reactions”. If you are finding yourself cursing or screaming at something trivial in front of your kids, do you want them to later react the same way? If you are becoming angrier as a result of the incident are you causing more damage or harm to your physical environment (i.e., hitting the wall or breaking something) (Becker-Phelps)?
“Imagine a better response”. If your boss was near you when something annoying happened how would you react? Would you want your boss to have to talk to you about your negative reaction if you threw the staff lounge’s broken coffee pot across the room near others? Or would you want your boss to praise you for how you handled the situation? Even when you think no one is watching, there is always someone around (Becker-Phelps).
What I have learned to do at the advice of my counselor is to stop, take a breath, observe the situation, and proceed with caution (Goldstein).
By stopping to think before I react, I am able to more positively react, which is how I want to handle situations. It is what I want to model for my girls too. This has also helped me immeasurably in my relationship with my husband.
Check out more about what I have learned in my novel Married to an Atheist A Love Story from Idaho, available on Kindle and paperback formats.
Blessings to you my readers!
References:
Becker-Phelps, Leslie. Don’t Just React: Choose Your Response; Create the inner “space” to be the person you want to be.” Psychology Today, 23 Jul 2013. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/making-change/201307/dont-just-react-choose-your-response.
Goldstein, Elisha. “Stressing Out? S.T.O.P.”. Mindful, 29 May 2013. https://www.mindful.org/stressing-out-stop/.
Your book, Married to an Atheist: An Idaho Love Story, is amazingly deep, honest and relatable to every kind of relationship. I’m sharing your perspectives and insights with friends, and with my husband, of course.
Thank you so much for your review and for your constant support!