Picked up a random poetry book From the crowded shelf. Quick easy hour read: Delight and wonder. Then, Found…
Mental Life Limbo
“August rain: the best of the summer gone, and the new fall not yet born. The odd uneven time.” Sylvia Plath
Confounded confusion meddles my brain… last Friday I ended eight weeks of teaching summer school so my mind is ready to read books, write blogs, and relax without stress for a time.
Despite my eagerness for a mental break, this week everyone is buying school supplies and my teacher friends are preparing to return to their classrooms. My children are looking forward to the school year starting too.
Natalie is going into 4th grade and has been anxious to find out who will be her new teacher, hoping her best friends will be in her class. Meanwhile, Olivia, who is going into 7th grade (oh my), is away up in the mountains of Cascade, enjoying a week of activities and reflection on God with a group of awesome youth peers and adults. She is not thinking about school too much, I imagine, as she enjoys the slip n slide, volleyball, hikes, and campfires. I am a bit jealous she is in the mountains right now.
Since I am not in the mountains, but enjoying the comforts of home, my heart remains in limbo… I don’t want the summer to be over, and yet, I am excited for my children to start a new year of fresh opportunities. The question in my mind though is where will I be working? I know I have my part time tutoring job and I can still sub with the school district.
Here I am, two weeks from turning age 40, and I am left without direction. I guess that I have hit that notorious “mid-life crisis”. Yes, I have had job changes, and marital stress (much better now dear), and my children are approaching their pivotal teen years. But what am I supposed to feel? There are all kinds of research online about “mid-life” crisis. One positive statement I find is from Amy Morin, verywellmind.com, who says, “A 2016 study published in the International Journal of Behavioral Development found an upside to the midlife crisis—curiosity. Researchers found that people who were experiencing a crisis—whether it was a quarter-life or a midlife crisis—experienced enhanced curiosity.”
Interesting concept curiosity… I guess that is what I have been curious about which direction to take moving onward. I have certainly learned a lot from my past experiences. I certainly know what I like to do and what I do not like to do.
One thing I love is to write. I am not freelancing right now, and miss it. I have two novels that I have started and want to keep working on. My other one I am ready to try new publishers, and hopefully will find one before the end of the year (fingers crossed). Writing is in my brain. Driving down the road, I hear a phrase of a song that triggers a memory or an idea that I get excited about writing down. Then I get home, totally forget or get distracted. Plus, eighteen weeks following my eye surgery, my eyes have still not recovered so even now with my screen font turned up to large print, the words are fuzzy. Frustration galore!
I also love teaching, well, when I can work with students who are engaged, and respectful. I have definitely worked with a spectrum of behaviors for which the myriad of experiences have taught me about my personality, my level of confidence, and my mental health.
Ideally, I should write about teaching… hmmm….
I just took a free career test on careerfitter.com, which tells me, “Your career test results reveal you have strong communication skills, and good insight into people. Your commitment to positive and fulfilling relationships with those around you make you a very conscientious member of a team.” And for $11.95, a 70% savings, I can see which careers would be best for me. Ha!
Questions for you:
- How do you decide what makes you happy?
- Did you find a career based on something that was available or offered to you?
- Or did you find a career by working hard in school until you were ready to start your chosen profession?
- Are you satisfied in your job now or are you waiting until something better comes along?
I know that whatever job any of us are doing, our mental health plays a significant role in our ability to do that job. Mental Health America reports, “Ignoring mental health in the workplace causes massive losses in a business’ bottom line and creates hardship for employees. With statistics showing that 1 in 4 adults has a diagnosable mental health disorder, it is time for us to be proactive in our workplace policies.” (“Mental Illness and Work”)
After teaching high school, I can honestly say that I am one of those out of four who have a diagnosable mental health disorder, and I did not know it until I started teaching. Ironic? Yep! Now what I did discover, thanks to the great support of my administrator at the time, is that I can still do what I love doing, but find a different place, a different niche that fits my personality better. Hmmm… I thought I had found a better niche this last year, but it doesn’t look like I am going to get that same opportunity again.
So :Limbo-land is where I find myself. I have found some good advice from The Goodista, who tells me,”Limbo land can be a place where non-fulfillment, sadness, frustration, isolation or self-pity lingers. It can also be a stage when you can amass strength, energy and resolve to move to what comes next.” Therein, I chose my own reactions to this waiting period. I can wallow in self-pity and think no one wants me, or I can make the most of it and find something to occupy my time with a gleeful heart (Like I am doing!).
What I do know, despite my limbo-esque feelings right now, that there is going to be a job somewhere for me. Maybe it will not be teaching, nor writing. Maybe it will be something totally random. I know that there is a job for me coming up soon. I just have to be patient and wait. In the meantime, I am glad to be able to have some free time to blog again.
What are you waiting for? Let me know! I would love some insight to help me in future topics, especially related to mental health. Blessings to you friends!
Here’s another useful article on “mid-life crisis” by author Amy Capetta on Women’s Day: “13 Signs You’re Having a Midlife Crisis and what to do about it.”
References:
The Goodista.”LIMBO LAND TACTICS: WORK AND LIFE STANDBY”. The Goodista, 14 June 2019. https://thegoodista.com/limbo-work-life/.
“Mental Illness and Work.” Mental Health America. N.D. https://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/mental-illness-and-work
Morin, Amy. “What Are the Signs of a Midlife Crisis? Midlife can be the unhappiest time in a person’s life” 26 July 2019. https://www.verywellmind.com/what-are-the-signs-of-a-midlife-crisis-4175827