Picked up a random poetry book From the crowded shelf. Quick easy hour read: Delight and wonder. Then, Found…
12 Days of Mindful Living Day 2-
Yesterday, I asked you to consider what you can put your hope in that is something bigger than yourself? Did you come up with something? Did you reflect on why you chose it?
Let’s review:
I have come up with my own version of “12 Days of Christmas” by adding a personal twist to it. Over the next 12 days, I want to share with you the insights, tips, and tools I have learned this past year from my personal counselors and mentors. Notably, my dear friend, Connie Benke, a school counselor and marriage therapist, who has given me the words to use to build my own root system. The more we are rooted in your hope, the more likely you are able to make positive, long-lasting changes to your life.
My challenge to you this: you can change your habits to find peace within yourself and meaningful relationships with others. You just have to want to change in order for it to stick. CBS News author, Ashley Welch, explains, “Some of the biggest mistakes people make… are setting goals that are too broad, too big, or too many.” How can you expect to achieve wholeness for a fulfilling life when you constantly set yourself up for failure by setting impossible goals? I am sure, like me, you have experienced such failures with your resolutions. In fact, until I learned from my mentors, I had no idea how not to fail. Then I began to explore my root system so that I could grow upward like flowers reaching up to meet the sun. What I found was a deep part of myself I had no idea was there. Peace. Confidence. Love for myself.
To begin, you need to focus on what is important to you. Hence the Partridge in the Pear Tree” question yesterday: what you can put your hope in that is something bigger than yourself?
Before I tell you about day 2, do you understand what I mean by a “Root system”? A root system is as simple as it sounds:
“We are called to be a sovereign Self. To minimize our dependence on others and, instead, shift to our own resources and our own root system. To connect to others through a sustainable root system as community rather than though the unending system of our neediness. To demand others to meet our needs weakens our root system. We are created to be in community with others rather than be consumed by the judgement, expectations, and disappointments that can only come from a need based system,” (Benke).
From the NC State Counseling Services site: “Some people want to change too fast, but real change takes time. Just as a tree needs a root system to stand firm and tall, your personality needs roots in experience that help you to decide the kind of person you would like to be.”
Now for Day 2, the “12 Days of Christmas” sings: “On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me, / Two turtle doves…,” (The 12 Days of Christmas lyrics © Walt Disney Music Company).
Two turtle Doves… we all know about doves. They symbolize the ultimate love relationship; if one mate dies, the other lives alone in mourning. Author Alecia Rhyes, on www.traditioninaction.org, says, “The two turtle doves represent the Old and New Testaments which look to each other with admiration, and complement one another.”
I had never before considered the turtle doves to represent the two testaments in the Bible. For me, and I am hoping for you, the two turtle doves represent pureness. Bible-history.com suggests that the idea of the turtle doves comes from the Old Testament, “The name is phonetic, evidently derived from the plaintive cooing of the bird… The turtle-dove occurs first in Scripture in Ge 15:9 In the Levitical law a pair of turtle-doves or of young pigeons are constantly prescribed as a substitute for those who were too poor to provide a lamb or a kid,” (Dr. William Smith’s Bible Dictionary).
Additionally, the two turtle doves represent friendship. A common Christmas present is for two friends to exchange a pair of white dove ornaments, like a BFF locket cut in two, one for each friend.
According to the website, www.spirit-animals.com, the Dove animal “can also be heralding an end of a problematic cycle in your life, thereby announcing a time of new worlds opening up to you. In other words, there are possibilities of a new romance, new friendships, and new beginnings on the horizon for you.” Hold on, how can you expect to have a promising new friendship or relationship with someone unless you have a positive self-image about yourself? If you are eager to get into a new relationship, won’t you be tempted to fall into the same vicous cycle that might have ruined other ones, such as jealousy or insecurity?
In order to fully envelope the promise of “Two turtle doves,” you need to come to terms with your own self.
Today’s question: In what ways can you differentiate your wants and needs? What are your meet-able versus unmeetable needs? In other words, what are things you need to live and the things you think you need?
Did you reflect on yesterdays post about your Partridge in a pear tree? If you did, below that section, draw three columns. On the Left side, write a list of the all the essential needs you have for yourself (food, water, shelter, money, …).
In the middle column, write a list of your personal goals. Do you know about SMART goals: Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Timely? Use this as a template for your own self improvement for the coming year.
Finally, in the right column, write all the unmeetable wants you have in your life. Perhaps these relate to changes you want to see in another person, popularity, or privilege. These are things you have spent time thinking or worrying about, but you have let them hold you back , leading to a vicious cycle of anxiety and depression.
Now consider how the items in your right column interfere with your ability to achieve the goals you listed in your middle column. Then consider how the items in your left column, once they are being fulfilled, will help support your ability to achieve the goals in your middle column.
Write a short reflection for yourself that will help you verbalize changes you need to make in your attitudes about your unmeetable needs compared with your meet-able needs.
Think about these things, for tomorrow we connect our Turtle-doves to the next gift in the song, the Three French Hens. How will I link to the next gift? You’ll just have to wait and see!
References:
Benke, Connie, Personal Interview, 26 October 2018.
Columbus, C. (Director), & Hughes, J. (Writer). (n.d.). Home alone 2–lost in New York[Video file].