Picked up a random poetry book From the crowded shelf. Quick easy hour read: Delight and wonder. Then, Found…
Surviving the Holidays to Make Meaningful Family Memories
How to Remember Patience and What’s Important This Holiday Season
November 25, 2018
The Christmas songs are on the radio, stores have had their holiday decorations out for weeks, and I have made it through Thanksgiving to be able to enjoy this special time of year. Pumpkin pie, hot apple cider, and potato soup, along with singing carols, and giving to those in need, December marks an opportunity for special time with others. Despite how much I love getting together with extended family and dear friends, there are many challenges I face at this time more than others; waiting forever in a tangled parking lot and expected events like our church’s annual Christmas Children’s Program sometimes grind on my last nerve when I just want to stay home with my husband and girls, watching movies, playing games, or making special things together.
Last Friday, “Black Friday,” I drove my kids to my in-laws across town on a rainy day after Thanksgiving. The Christian radio station, 99.5 K-Love, DJ’s Skip and Amy, reminded us about trying not to be perfect for others this holiday. The point about this time of year is not getting the perfect gift or making somebody happy to try and please yourself. Rather this time of year is about making time to be with the ones we love and to be joyful at the birth of Jesus our Savior. This was the perfect timing for the message as my Natalie had just been saying how a boy in her class called her drawings horrible.
After dropping off the girls for their own fun day filled with movies and time with their grandparents, I joined my mom, grandma, and aunt for Black Friday shopping. They had been out the night before till 3 am and had gone home to sleep for four hours. Typically, I would have gone with them for all of their adventures. This year, I opted to go home with my family after our Thanksgiving evening at my aunt and uncle’s house. That Friday morning, I joined them at 10:30.
When we shopped at the mall, I had my typical impulse buying problem, but refrained from going out of control this year. I still enjoyed checking out the clothing and house wares departments despite my inability to purchase anything for myself. I stuck to my list this year for the first time in ever according to my husband! I found a star projector alarm clock for one of my daughters and a sweatshirt for my father, plus some new bath towels and other things. Mom and I got in the shortest line to the many cash registers, and still waited thirty minutes to pay.
Back in the car, we were instantly stuck in a mob of traffic lines coming from different directions. The heat kept us warm from the rain outside, but as we inched along the ¼ mile we needed to go to get out of the parking lot, time crept even slower along as my stomach rumbled, and I struggled to hide my innate hyperactivity as I visited with mom, grandma, and Aunt Candy. I craved to be at the Mexican Restaurant where my uncle waited for us, and wished that I could blog in the car without feeling car sick (even at a snail’s pace).
Flashback 20 Years:
The rain drops out the car windows drizzled and continued as I longed to be anywhere else. I thought back to a similar situation twenty years before during the holiday season when I had naively thought I could cut across the mall to get to the next main street over for a business appointment. Little did I know that day, I could not get to my destination, and soon found out as I was parked in the road around the mall parking lots that I was blocked from going anywhere. I had had a nine year old student in my car who I was taking to meet my supervisor. An hour and a half after numerous calls with my boss (before texting), I had prayed and cried to myself so hard that I had nothing left in me. All I could do was continue to sit in the web of cars with diminishing hope for freedom. Suddenly, a man was at my passenger window. I rolled it down to talk to him. He had noticed I had a little kid in my car and wanted to help me. He said he thought I could turn around if he got the car next to me facing the opposite direction to move forward a few more feet. This man was my guardian angel. He was an answer to my prayers. I do not even remember what he looked like after so many years, but I remember his kindness as he helped move the other cars a bit so I could turn around and find a passage out of the mall. I never made it to see my boss, but I did not care at that point. My boss had given up on me by then anyway. I steered my red Ford Escort out of the mall and took that little kid home. I was done mentally. I think about his day every time I go to the mall now two decades later, but especially when I visit in December. The irony was that I had been a mall employee a year before being trapped. I should have known not to take the mall route as a shortcut; I drive out of desperate hope at times, especially when I am running late.
Mindfull Reflection:
This past Black Friday with my family, I only had to wait twenty minutes to escape the mall traffic, but still cringe at the memory of being hopelessly trapped. I suppose it could have been worse: I could have gotten into a horrific accident with that child in my car instead of just being immobile and late. It is much better to be late than to be in an accident.
The lesson I continue to take with me is one I am sure you have experienced at some point: no matter how rushed you feel, no matter which way you risk going as a shortcut, and no matter how much you could just teleport magically out of a situation, God puts each of us in a certain place at a certain time for a reason. Now when the road is blocked with an endless sea of traffic I say a prayer of thanksgiving to God. Even though I do not know what I am being saved from or what more difficult situations I am avoiding by being blocked, I know that I am blessed.
Connections:
Of course, I am also reminded about the TV series, Touched By An Angel with Roma Downey and Della Reese. They had a two-part episode called “Amazing Grace” in which Downey’s character, Monica, is temporarily blinded, and they journey to a city filled with distress. I need to rewatch this to remember specifically, but I know that this simple television show episode is something so familiar to me as a 23 year driver. No matter how I feel about a situation, I always end up where and when I need to be despite my own intentions. Sometimes, no matter how hard I try to maintain my own control, I am powerless.
This concept further reminds me about The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings novels/movies by J.R.R. Tolkien. Patience is key to life and learning. Being successful does not mean that you get what you want when you want it. Being successful is about working hard, persevering until the end, and dealing with whatever comes at you along the way, be it death-like horse riders or monstrous trolls. The more patience and understanding you develop for your circumstances the more you will be able to overcome obstacles. Bilbo learns this the hard way as you can see watching The Hobbit Motion Picture Trilogy Blu Ray (visit this link from Amazon for more information).
Bilbo at the beginning of his story, prefers to lead his simple life in the Shire and has no desire to help anyone but himself. As he journeys through Middle Earth with the Dwarfs and Elves, he learns more than he will ever learn, especially as he (spoiler alert) takes it upon himself to partner with the Elves and Humans at the end to make the Dwarf King finally unite with them in order to battle against the disgusting Goblins and Wargs (The Hobbit and The Five Armies). Bilbo learns the value of friendship. He also learns the value in patience as he was gone from his beloved home for so long that he not only was glad to return, but also, he was glad he had left in the first place. The journey may have been unexpected and fraught with danger, and yet, Bilbo chose the journey with no idea about what lay before him.
As I endure holiday traffic (nothing like the monsters of Middle Earth), I will continue to remember how the journey is all just part of my daily adventures leading me on to the next. I am trying to teach my children patience as we sit in the traffic. I want them to understand that we may have a plan, but what actually happens is not always up to us. We have to be okay with that fact.
Replacing Holiday Stress with Holiday Memories:
Beliefnet.com recommends these tips for teaching your children patience in their article, “Family Values: How Kids Learn Patience”:
- 1. “Talk about time,” i.e. the sequence of events for the day (first we will have breakfast, then we will go to nana and papa’s house, then we will go to your doctor’s appointment… check off on a calendar the days until a special event, like Christmas or when Uncle Joe returns home from overseas).
- Suggestions: “Play waiting games”- hide n go seek, make believe, drawing/painting, puzzles. For older kids, games like Chess, Battleship, and Blokus will help pass the time. Amazon sells games for a decent price, like the Spontuneous – The Song Game – Sing It or Shout Itfor $29.99 or the Classic Clue Game (one of our favorites) for $5.39.
- Suggestions: You can also take time to read stories; I found this appealing one on Amazon:Adverbs for Advent: Quiet Reflections for a Noisy Time. Of course, my favorite to read with the girls no matter how old they get is Charles Dickens A Christmas Carol. Last year, we went as a family to see The Man Who Invented Christmas about how Charles Dickens created A Christmas Carol. As a writer, I identified with Dickens’ struggle to come up with the perfect story all while trying to balance family and obligations.
- 2. “Make a wish list”- This is useful if it is January and your child’s birthday is in May. They may be already talking about what they want, so have them start a list. “The simple act of writing down (or drawing or cutting out a magazine picture of the present) gives your child control and increases patience,” (“Family Values: How Kids Learn Patience”). I have been having my two daughters keep a calendar for chores (Example: Saturday do laundry; every Thursday, clean bathrooms; feed fish every morning). Not only are they able to complete certain tasks on specific days instead of trying to do all of her chores on the same day, they are also able to keep track of days for special events, like school music programs and friend sleepovers . They are more accountable and I do not have to keep reminding them about being patient.
- Suggestion: Amazon offers this free List Anything app by Snacktime Productions.
- 3. “Take a Leaf from Nature”- Have your child start an indoor herb garden to learn patience. Discuss with them how giving the plant the right amount of water, sunlight, and food will help the plant grow in its own time. They can check off the days until they see the first stem, then the days until the first leaf, then the days until full growth. They can track the growth on a chart they make and will be able to look forward to seeing the plants grow while learning in the meantime to be more patient.
- Suggestion: Amazon offers this Indoor Herb Garden Kit for $16.95. This is a great way to start your kids with a patient, green thumb during the cold months!
4. “Teach Impulse Control”- This is something I struggle with impulsivity, especially during the Holidays. “If your child wants something, like a new sweater or pierced ears, don’t rush to provide it or agree to it. Wait a set period of time to help the child assess whether this is something he or she really wants,”(“Family Values: How Kids Learn Patience”). Good advice!
- 5. “Encourage Perseverance”- With the ongoing help with household chores, provide your child an allowance. We do $4/week each for spending, savings, donating, and investment. This way your child can learn how to save up for something special instead of just rushing out to buy it for him/her. My daughter Olivia has saved up numerous times for different Lego sets. We could have just gifted them to her for her birthday and Christmas, like we have done, but for the really big sets she has wanted, we had her save up. This gave her more of an ownership too in the final product she put together. One of her sets is the LEGO Friends Heartlake Grand Hotel 41101 from Amazon.
- Suggestion: I found a neat piggy bank similar to what we have for our girls: Moonjar Classic Moneybox Save, Spend, Deposit.
Check out beliefnet.com for more suggestions!
Lesson Learned:
As I continue to find the perfect gifts for my children, I will not forget that sometimes the gift of time is just as important as anything from the stores, if not more so. That night after coming home from a day of shopping, I spent the evening making Christmas ornaments with my girls and husband. I am glad that I had been detained at the mall for just a little bit so that I could make it home in time to make memories with my family!
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