Picked up a random poetry book From the crowded shelf. Quick easy hour read: Delight and wonder. Then, Found…
Finding My Way Home Part Two
Finding your way home to God is one part of living. Finding your way home to your loved ones coincides with living a fulfilling life.
Author Ben Swicegood on the upliftingplace.com writes, “It’s funny how circumstances in life will change your perspective and outlook on things.”
Three years ago, I found myself in the middle of a crossroads. I had worked hard to become a teacher and start a career. What I did not know was that a promise that I had once made to God, to become a teacher and help children, was not necessarily what God had planned for me. I was working too many hours and not spending enough time with my family.
In truth, I do not regret my decision to become a teacher. I met many people who have taught me more about myself than I could have imagined. One friend, Connie, is a school counselor who took time to mentor me on my path to self-discovery.
I write on page 379, “My inspiration has always been my family. As time has gone on, I now see how my family has relied on me when I have not relied on myself,” (Stear). (Read more about this process in my novel, Married to an Atheist A Love Story from Idaho, available on amazon.com.)
Finding my way home in a metaphorical sense means that I have followed a path set before me so that I may meet certain people at certain times, and that I may deepen my personal relationships to be more heartwarming.
For many of us, home is coming to meet our loved ones, not just to a physical address. I go home to the place we pay mortgage and spend each night, but more importantly, I go home to my husband and my children because wherever they are so too lies my heart.
Three important things I have learned from my own path towards home:
- Improve myself.
I do not need to work extra to prove myself to anyone. What I do is good enough for each task. Rewriting or replanning does not necessarily mean I will come out any more on top than I need to be right now. This comes from my teaching experience as I was once told by a mentor that I am my own worst critic. The students don’t care how much I rewrite a lesson or how many comments I make on their essays (they probably won’t read it anyway.). I do not need to stay up late grading, and causing myself to lose sleep. Sleep is more important than the extra work I think I need to do. I can just reorganize time during the day to grade quickly. I have enough experience to do what must be done and the rest I can learn to let go of to give myself more rest instead.
2. Be growth-minded, not fixed.
Cheyenne Letz from insider.com explains:
“It’s important to adopt a growth mindset, according to Anthony Chambers, Ph.D., chief academic officer of The Family Institute and director of the Center for Applied Psychological and Family Studies at Northwestern University. See your relationship as an opportunity for becoming a better version of yourself… Often, the best learning about who we are occurs when we are with a romantic partner.”
In other words, do not focus on the negative. Instead, put your thoughts positive: “My husband didn’t acknowledge I put away the dishes. I know I am still helping him out even if he doesn’t say anything.”
3. Improve your communication by thinking before speaking.
I have learned from many counselors that it is important to stop and think before reacting in any situation, especially in a heated one. Sara Stagg says, “Mindfulness is such a foundation. Noticing a response that we have is a huge portion of the work. If you can observe that your thoughts tend to go a certain direction, you have a valuable set of tools for the next steps.”
In other words, stop, observe the situation, think about how you want to respond, and proceed cautiously. This has been a technique that has improved my communication with my husband in ways I had no idea were possible.
At the end of every day, I want to be able to come home to my family to see them with an open mind and eager heart. When each of us take the time to work on ourselves as individuals then we can come together to find greater value in each other.
References:
Lentz, Cheyenne. “9 ways to strengthen your relationship in the new year.” The Insider, 14 Jan 2019. https://www.insider.com/relationship-strengthening-tips-2019-1.
Staggs, S. (2014). “How to Trust People Again.” Psych Central. https://blogs.psychcentral.com/after-trauma/2014/06/how-to-learn-to-trust-people-again/.
Stear, Janelle. Married to an Atheist A Love Story from Idaho. Amazon.com, 29 Sep 2019. https://www.amazon.com/Married-Atheist-Love-Story-Idaho.
Swicegood, Ben. “Keys To Finding Your Way Home.” The Uplifting Place, 11 May 2017. https://www.theupliftingplace.com/keys-finding-way-back-home/inspirational/.