Picked up a random poetry book From the crowded shelf. Quick easy hour read: Delight and wonder. Then, Found…
Defeating Discouragement
I find myself at a crossroads needing a part time job but not having any luck. I am either overqualified or unavailable at certain times for employers.
Author Natalie Koger tells me what I already know: “When you feel discouraged, it colors so much of your world – you easily find more discouraging signs that things won’t work out.”
I just had a phone interview that I had to end before the person had started my questioning all because the schedule for the job conflicted with my current job. I need an evening part time gig, not something during the week day. The call ended and my heart sank.
Driving home, with the sun already setting in the evening sky, while other cars were moving around me, I felt oblivious to anything besides my own despair. I chewed on watermelon gum while feeling sorry for myself.
Now, as I sit on my couch under my comfy electric blanket, looking out the window at the changing leaves on the maple across the street, I feel an internal battle. The reasoning part of my brain knows that this despair is just a short season in my life; while the emotional part says this season is never going to end.
I know better than to let this discouragement get me down. So why am I constantly falling into this trap?
Does this sound familiar?
What I do know is that the following are useful strategies:
- Talking about our problems with a good friend always helps.
- Writing our feelings down is also a useful strategy.
- Deep breathing and relaxing music also help to soothe the soul.
All of the above are strategies I have used to help short term. For a more long-term effect, talking my counselor is always the best.
Wait, my schedule hasn’t allowed me to talk to my counselor lately.
Deep breath…
Koger recommends the following five steps for “What to do if You are Discouraged”:
“Step One Acceptance” understand and admit what you are feeling is valid. There is nothing wrong with feeling discouraged and seeking help.
“Step Two Gratitude” for the things that have been working out that you may be overlooking.
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- Last Sunday, I was able to meet up with a trusted friend and mentor who gave me lots of ideas for succeeding in my writing career. She shared her confidence in me and made me feel capable of pursuing my dreams despite recent setbacks.
“Step Three Intentional Kindness. The best way to make yourself feel better is to get out of your own head and do something kind for someone else. I call this Blasting Your Stress With Kindness.” (Koger)
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- Earlier today, I had checked in on a colleague who wasn’t feeling well and asked if there was anything I could do for her. She smiled and thanked me for being thoughtful.
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“Step Four The Bigger Why. Connecting to your sense of meaning is one of the best ways to get through challenging times and feeling discouraged. I call this The Bridge of Resilience.” (Koger)
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- I wrote my novel, Married to an Atheist A Love Story from Idaho, to be able to share my story with others who may find themselves in a relationship with a partner who has different beliefs or values. My bigger why is being able to share what I have learned through my own relationship and experiences.
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“Step 5 Self-care. When we get discouraged, the harsh voice in our heads often comes out in full force… So the first thing you need to do is to become aware of how you’re talking to yourself and shift from harshness to self-compassion.” (Koger)
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- This is difficult personally. I am usually more worried about my husband and my kids so I can’t find a way to take care of myself. When I can remember to deep breathe and focus on a positive to shift my thinking, then I am more able to be a positive member of my family.
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After putting these thoughts together, I do feel so much better. My words are the bridge that I need to be able to make sense of my feelings, and overcome the negative ones to focus on positive ones. Tomorrow is a new day of possibilities and I have be mindful of new opportunities that will eventually come my way.
What do you do when you feel discouraged? Please let me know and share your experiences with me below!
Blessings to you!
Reference:
Koger, Nataly. “What to do if You are Discouraged”. Happier, N.D. https://www.happier.com/blog/what-do-if-you-feel-discouraged/.