Picked up a random poetry book From the crowded shelf. Quick easy hour read: Delight and wonder. Then, Found…
Anxiety in Relationships
There is a chain of events whenever we engage in communication with someone. One person is the speaker while the other listens then they switch roles so the listener provides feedback or additional comments. When one of the people has anxiety, or maybe even both do, then the communication cycle is at risk of breaking instead of working.
Last week, my daughter Natalie told me that a boy on the bus had talked bad about her best friend who was not on the bus to hear him. She was worried about whether or not she should tell her about what the boy said. She didn’t want to hurt her feelings but she didn’t want to keep a secret from her either. I told Natalie that it would only make her feel better if she can share it with her friend. If she spends time fretting about it then she is never going to feel good about the situation. The friend’s mom had one time told her it didn’t help when you reported something that someone else said about them. I don’t think this is entirely true though. The more we can be honest with our friends the more secure we will be in our relationships. Also, if we spend our time internalizing the what ifs, then we are never going to be at peace with ourselves. I have done that way too much in my life and am trying to break the cycle.
Psychologist Alicia H. Clark says, “What we do with anxiety can make the difference between it being helpful, or harmful. Anxiety wants to be recognized, and understood.” She shares this infographic: I like number two, “Anxiety means you care,” and number nine, “Recognize the motivation in anxiety to solve the problem,” (Clark).
There is nothing wrong with having anxiety. What causes trouble is when we do not acknowledge why we have it in the first place.
Mindful.org author, Tara Brach, recommends the R.A.I.N. strategy. Use it each time you feeling anxious to help you through problems:
- “Recognize what is going on.”
- “Allow the experience to be there, just as it is.”
- “Investigate with kindness.”
- “Natural awareness, which comes from not identifying with the experience,” (Brach).
Natalie did tell her friend about what the other kid had said. Her friend was sad but at least my Natalie was not keeping it to herself, letting it keep bothering her, or worse, keeping it as a secret from her friend.
R.A.I.N. is just one helpful strategy I have used that works. Do you have something else that also helps? Let me know!
Oh and check out Amazon.com for my first book, Married to An Atheist A Love Story from Idaho.
References:
Brach, Tara. “Feeling Overwhelmed? Remember “RAIN” Four steps to stop being so hard on ourselves”. Mindful.Org, 19 Feb 2019. https://www.mindful.org/tara-brach-rain-mindfulness-practice/.
Clark, Alicia H. “13 Tips From A Psychologist For When A Relationship Causes Anxiety”. Clark Psychology Group, N.D. https://aliciaclarkpsyd.com/when-a-relationship-causes-anxiety/.
I enjoy your writings, I find my self reading more often
Awesome! I am glad to hear I can inspire you to read more! 🙂