Picked up a random poetry book From the crowded shelf. Quick easy hour read: Delight and wonder. Then, Found…
Still Learning to Communicate
Change is common.
You change clothing styles. You change cars.
You change jobs. You maybe change partners.
Change is inevitable as we move ever forward on our life’s journey around the sun.
What is not so easy to change is our habits, our responses, our so-called “disabilities”, mental or physical. Although, I suspect the biggest issue is that we do not know how to communicate effectively with the people we value most in our lives. That is when we seek out help from professionals. Being able to learn how to move from a fixed to a growth mindset is essential in overcoming trauma.
Psychology Today author, Clifford N. Lazarus PhD, says, “What motivates most people to enter therapy is not the presence of a ‘condition,’ a ‘disorder’ or a ‘pathology, but rather the absence of specific knowledge and skills.
We have all had varying levels of traumatic experiences, (perhaps you haven’t and you are really lucky), and each of us must learn to adapt to the experiences. Our most common reaction is to bury the emotions inside, pretending everything is alright. I did not realize I had done been doing this for most of my life, until sessions with my counselor who helped me see how a lot of the reactions and feelings I had towards different events actually stemmed from previous experiences. My counselor took me through a rigorous treatment plan that included EMDR, or Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. I had never before heard about such a treatment, but now, I definitely recommend it for any one who has experienced significant traumas.
The EMDR Institute, Inc., explains better about this treatment:
“EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is a psychotherapy that enables people to heal from the symptoms and emotional distress that are the result of disturbing life experiences. Repeated studies show that by using EMDR therapy people can experience the benefits of psychotherapy that once took years to make a difference. It is widely assumed that severe emotional pain requires a long time to heal. EMDR therapy shows that the mind can in fact heal from psychological trauma much as the body recovers from physical trauma.”
After two years of treatment, I finally feel healed. When I say healed, I mean that I have no more stabbing pains of deep emotion when I think back to a difficult time. I feel “peace like a river”. Now when a similar situation comes up, I do not fear or run from it, I face it knowing that I can handle whatever it may be.
My point today is that no matter what baggage we bring into a relationship, the more we each as individuals are able to find healing and understanding, the more we can offer to our partner. I definitely feel like a more stable, more compassionate wife and mother because I have overcome so much of my own dirty laundry.
Of course, seeking help from a professional is essential for overcoming stress from traumatic events, but sometimes, just going for a walk, writing in a journal, or chatting with a trusted friend can be good alternatives when your trusted professional is not available.
There is always help when change is hard.
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